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You're Almost 30 and You Don't Have Kids Yet?!

My cute elderly patients approach me all the time with the “alright you’re a pretty girl, but don’t wait too late.” So, let’s discuss my stance on a few things I believe we should normalize in regard to this topic.

1. Stop rushing people into parenthood. You never know someone’s why for waiting to rear a child. For the insecure and weak minded, this could force one into a poverty-stricken upbringing for their child because they rushed into a lifelong commitment knowing well that they did not have the resources to properly support a child. Aside from the resources, we must consider emotional stability. Many young people have been hurt or scarred and are still in need of emotional healing themselves. Whether it be from failed relationships, grief, or the different external and internal pressures of society, sometimes one can’t even fathom trying to take care of themselves let alone being responsible for the entirety of child’s well-being.

2. Contrary to popular belief, life doesn’t end after age 29. 30 is the lowkey the new 20. Historically, domestic roles were established early on as a means of survival and abiding to cultural traditions. Women would marry young and tend to the house and children, while the man goes out to work in order to make money to provide the family’s physiological needs (refer to Maslow hierarchy of needs); hence, the creation of the term “breadwinner.” Often times when the focus is solely linked to survival and meeting physiological needs, psychosocial needs such as sense of connection and self-actualization, though extremely important, simply cannot be prioritized. So why then should we rush someone into this space?

3. Respect people’s autonomy. Most of the negative light that has been shed on this issue could improve by realizing that it is every person’s human right to believe, accept

and do what they feel is appropriate for their life. We don’t have to agree with anyone’s decisions of self-governance, but the very least we can do is respect it. I’m sure we all learned early on that, “if you have nothing nice to say, then do not say anything at all.” Although your inquisitiveness about someone’s parenting timeline may be innocent to you, you never know the impact it has on the person receiving the questioning. What if that person is experiencing lack of self-worth because they haven’t found their forever partner to have children with? What if that person is battling depression from a previous trauma related to the topic? What if that person has a health ailment that they don’t want their child to inherit? And God forbid, what if that person just doesn’t want to have children and be the fine auntie at the cookout?

Moral of the story: I encourage you all to mind your business and love…genuinely. Stick to the golden rule of treating people how you want to be treated. Be happy for people in whatever chapter of life they are currently residing in. Stop emotionally forcing people to follow in your traditional footsteps when they’re living to be generational curse breakers. Respect people’s timeline for memorable milestones and it could all be so simple.

Until the next post beautiful people.

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